STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections)

Sexually transmitted infections (STI) are infections or conditions that you can get from any kind of sexual activity involving your mouth, anus, vagina or penis. Another common name for STIs is sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs. There are several types of STIs.

Yes, it can happen but so does COVID! The real problem with STIs is that the S stands for SEX. If it was the S for SINGING or the S for SWIMMING then we could talk about all this without the S for SHAME! Getting an STI is nothing to be ashamed of!

Get tested (1-2 times a year or 3-4 times a year if you have lots of partners. If you test positive for something then get it treated. If treated early then all STIs are either curable or manageable (yes even HIV/AIDS).

Here are some in depth Zoom recordings if you want to geek out and spend a lot of time on this topic (but you do not have to):

Minimizing your risks

So what can you do to minimize the risk of getting infected (and spreading it):

  1. Test regularly (at least once a year, ideally twice a year. If you have multiple partners then test 3 to 4 times a year).

  2. Use condoms for penetration (duh)

  3. BEFORE engaging have the safer sex talk with your (new) partner(s)

  4. Only engage with people who ALSO do 1-4.

About testing: Having it done as part of your annual health check is fine. But if you need to do it more discrete, more often than once a year, and have easy to share results then consider using: https://www.stdcheck.com Or order an at home test: https://www.basisdx.org/shop/ (the PLURA24 discount code might still work).

About condoms: Some people are allergic to latex so use latex-free ones. Get them at the drugstore or you can order them at Amazon (https://amzn.to/4d9Cfi0)

About the safer sex talk: BEFORE you engage share the following items with your (new) partner(s) and after sharing an item ask: “What about you”?

R: Relationships
Share if you are polyarmorous (And if so what kind of poly you are). Share if you are married. Share if you are in an open relationship. Share if you have a don’t ask don’t tell with your partner. Share if your partner knows you are engaging with others. Share what other (kind of) sexual relationships you have.

B: Boundaries
Describe any behaviors, sexual acts, places on your body etc. that are off limits for you. (Share and expect that all your boundaries will be honored).

D: Desires
Describe whatever activities you would really like to enjoy with this new partner. (Share, but do not expect to “get” all of your desires granted).

S: Sexual Health
Tell when you were last tested for STIs, what you were specifically tested for, and what the results were. Avoid saying that you are “clean,” since that implies that someone who contracts an STI is somehow “dirty”. (Remember no shaming!) Share your safer sex practices, such as when you use/require condoms or dental dams.

M: Meaning
If you two (or more) have sex, what will it mean to you? Is it “sport fucking,” time to rent a U-Haul and move in together, be comet lovers or something else?

As you can see the easy way to remember the items is with the acronym RBDSM (but please use it also if you are NOT talking about BDSM, although it works very well for those kinds of engagements also).